I look twenty? Not only will I take that, bring on the skateboard.

Are you a boobs man or a bum man? This was the question I was asked at a pub in Stourbridge, 2017.

The finger is a vital instrument in the bedroom.

Who doesn't love a good bitter and twisted old fart?

A guy from the estate I grew up in began life with me as a foe, then we faught, then we were mates, then he disappeared.

I have the best bum in Britain.

Friends have told me they're finding it difficult to relate to me.