Some people never learn

You're the same. You have always been the same and you are, clearly, unlikely to change. What the actual fuck to have had one of the biggest shake-ups since World Wars I & II, and people just choose to plod along.

World War III isn't coming, we've been through it, already. Let's look at the themes. We have heard Vera Lynn. 'We'll Meet Again' is a song which featured in popular culture portrayals of life in the early 1900s. We heard it again, recently. It played, massively, across 2023 and 2024. I survived it, and I'm sure if you're reading this, you did, too.

The Lockdown of 2020 was the best thing the UK has seen. It is the best thing we have seen since the swinging sixties. I never lived through the sixties but I have heard such terrific things about it. Cilla Black, Blind Date, a friend of my family's on my Nanny Chris' side, was a massive fan of the sixties. Wherever Cilla is I'm there.

An anti Covid message on a banner at a protest march, 2020

Sad times, the last few moments of her life, her son reported, she was watching Jezza Kyle and getting pissed on the old bubbly at half ten in the morning. He went down to the local Mercadona to get a few bits, when he returns, she's gone arse over tit on some stairs outside the house by the pool and she dies. If Cilla was watching over, she'd be wetting herself at how she popped it. You couldn’t have departed in more Cilla than she did.

We saw people coming together from all walks of life. I witnessed police officers coming together with suspects. I saw understanding, a collaboration, an appreciation of culture. We saw Sunday Mirror journalists (cough cough) coming together with chavs. We united over a love of BBQs, beers and sunshine. It was a time in my life I will never forget.

Us lot, seeing sense and carrying on regardless in what was the biggest load of bollocks that we can thank for allowing this time in life

Come on, people of Great Britain, can we make a go of that every single day? Yes, we fucking can. I did, how dare you not follow suite. How dare you allow me, a national news journalist (at the time) working for the Mirror, to alter my lifestyle, only to see you carry on like you always did! Some support, some mates. Ashamed one should be to allow a brother to make a move for the good of the group, only to find the group continue in their ways like selfish cunts. What is the journo meant to do now? Go back to his old ways and get rich, again?! Is that what you want, for me to put profit over the good of each other?! Well, I never! I would never do that to my boys and girls. But you would do it to me, you fucking arseholes!

A line used on weekend breakfast in 2010, which used to air on local radio, was. "money grabbing, bleeders." Has it been a lesson in revelation or is it false? Has it been confirmed the very people who were mixing were just there to rob Brad of his career? One could argue this as a hypothesis. This is what I am arguing. I fuck the missus off. I fuck the career off. The apartment goes, so do the cars. I enter a Thailand-esque style of life, only to find, like Basil Fawlty (yes, I am likening myself to Basil, whereas a likening to Sybil was recorded in a legal conference in 2023 in Northamptonshire) standing outside Fawlty Towers, the rain pisses down something rotten and he walks back in, reports at the front desk and asks his wife to check him into one of the rooms where, seeing sense, he orders himself a Waldorf Salad, like the American earlier on in the programme, choosing to be selfish at the behest of his useless clientele that stitched him up a treat, like gofers in a panto, we note "oh yes it did," in a later episode where a fire alarm demonstration was being debated.

That is what I have done. My Sybil Fawlty would be my new employer and savage is the operative word. We have made a promise to ourselves, if our hypothesis is proved correct and people come back at the time material and career successes return, I will become the biggest cunt in the building, shunning absolutely everyone, apart from female lookers, being photographed like a Robert Mugabe, in front of a driveway in the round with countless vehicles, being fanned by a page 3, and fucking all and sundry off.

MPs discussing states of affairs. Liz Truss had my backing when she danced onto stage to 'Moving On Up' by M People at the Conservative Party Conference in 2022 at Symphony Hall, Birmingham

We know the influence an observer can have on an experiment. We need not mention Schrodinger's Cat Theory, which you should already be familiar with. I would not want to influence this to the unwanted. The intention was for us all to come together and enjoy a bit of fun in the sun. Instead, you just plod along like you've always done. What the fuck is wrong with you people?! I make all the moves, you don't. We have already made you look like cunts. We have been on eight holidays already this year, for fuck’s sake, so we don’t need to do that again. That's been done. The point here isn't to make you look a cunt, although, we have. We have been on more holidays this year than our peers on less money, ha fucking ha. Scaling up, on evidence, we are going to outdo you. It’s a mathematical certainty. But why would you want us to do that if you were not working for HSBC?! You owe me more than just a pint you pussy boys ;) ;)

There is something journalist and friend David Icke, writes. He explains the non-comply dance. There is footage of people on stage at Wembley to a full house. It explains the power of coming together and dancing in the street. I am the first person in British history to have applied the dance. Not only did nobody join, but I got into trouble. Of course, I would. Only those in big number would have been avoiding of legal action. You may have even seen local enforcement joining in.

Paul Weller, 'Walls Come Tumbling Down,' speaks of governments cracking and systems falling, because 'unity is powerful.' You will not listen. 2024 is the most selfish I have ever witnessed Britain. Shame on you for plodding on. Anyone who actually went along with being told "you will not hug your loved ones' are and always will be the abomination. Please, board a tanker, all of you, fuck off into the middle of the Atlantic and sink yourselves, because I guarantee the kind who would throw their children off balconies because some pretty headed paper told them too, are to blame and always will be to blame. This ‘anything for a quiet life’ mentality and ‘me, me, me,’ has got us all into this mess. It isn't you and will never be all about you. If you think it is, you are missing out.

Put down your placards and go for the beer. Stop giving the problem all of the focus.

When presenting for the BBC, we were told to talk to one in the business. We would say things like "how are you this morning?' We aren't talking to you, you ignoramus, there's eight millions of listeners. I am also ashamed to be on YouTube, as a platform. It has encouraged narcissism like I have never seen. There are two narcissists in life, the light and the dark, the exoteric and the esoteric. Let me tell you something, the good one is the performer, full of colour and pomp. The guys that drink green smoothies and workout are a danger to us all. Boring bastards. Period.

Brad loves you and will always love you, you know that. Life’s precious. Sit still and know Brad. Loves. You, yeah. My intention is for us all to some together and enjoy this space we have found, together, before it’s too late. It’s to treat each other with love and to enter colour in full capacity. God bless you and bless in our happy celebrating.

I'm Brad, and my book Chatterbox is available in all major bookstores. RRP £20.00. I have presented for both radio and TV across the BBC and commercial media, and was a house journalist at the Daily Star (not the page 3 variety) and the Sunday Mirror.