Make it an offence to be miserable at airports

Departure lounges are my favourite places in the world. I do have some personal favourites. Post security at the now closed San Javier Airport in Spain was superior. Terminal 5 at Heathrow is up there with the tops, but one must remember not to get carried away in London, as some gates are at least twenty minutes to get to on the rail link.

I was at Manchester Airport on the weekend. We were due at a late night rave on a beach in Barcelona. The following morning, we were flying out to Monaco via Nice. A couple of days after, we were Switzerland bound, headed to the cafés next to the river in Geneva to spend a lazy Sunday. I was amazed at how calm and miserable passengers were in the departure lounge at Manchester.

Departure lounge at Manchester Airport's Terminal 3

It put us on an unintended pedestal. It seemed we were the only ones there, singing to music and displaying dance moves. We spent the majority of the time at the bar. There were several, but we were drinking in the one in the middle of all the shops. There was conversation, there was plenty of drink, but there were no inflatable flamingos and no floral shirts. This is utterly unacceptable. I have made a promise to myself to bring back the floral shirts and to purchase an inflatable flamingo for a future trip. I might have to throw in a sombrero. It is also intolerable to deny boarding to such passengers, too.

There is an old saying, safety in number. There's another one, if you're having a good time, they're having a good time. Most airlines reserve the right to deny boarding to intoxicated passengers. From my experience, I add to this, airlines refuse intoxicated passengers displaying negative behaviour, by way of aggression or bolshy, intimidating behaviour, not to the bright and cheerful. I have a technique I will share with you. It has always worked for me, and yes, I do indulge in plenty of drinkypoos before my flights. The trick is to wear a dark pair of sunglasses and just to smile at aircrew on your way in. Take your seat and say nothing at all until the doors close and the pilots have received, at least, taxi clearance from air traffic control. Then sing. Until then, just smile and put your thumb up to anyone who approaches. It has always worked.

Inside the departure lounge, post security at Manchester Airport's Terminal 3

I was, indeed, disappointed with the outcome of our visit through Manchester Airport. My direction of annoyance is at uniform. The passengers were cool, although, come on, people, you're on your jollies, cheer up, man. But uniform, I say, how dare you snide on cheer and frivolity. A departure lounge is full of people travelling and the majority of such are going on their holidays. Reprimands should be handed out to those who are sulky and forlorn, not to the loud and verbose. We appreciate officials are there with serious responsibility. We hope they never have to use their training, but it is there if needed. Notwithstanding, it's a place for folk going on jollies! Oh my days! Please, encourage silliness. If we explore the colloquialism further, jollies it to be jolly. Jolly: happy and cheerful, party or celebration. One should be highly suspicious of anyone NOT displaying these behaviours in such a context and refuse them boarding, instead.

An empty but full bar, simultaneously, in the middle of departures, post security

We thank Manchester. It is a place I hold close to my heart. In 2015, I had the privilege of singing in the Great Voices Of Soul in their city at the O2 with Patti LaBelle, The Whispers and Melissa Morgan. The accent brings back such memories. I enjoyed many a conversation with locals in the smoking shelters outside check-in. I dated a partner who lived not far from the City ground. I love Manchester. Indeed, outside of terminal 3 is a banner, which reads "I <3 MCR". This is exactly how I feel about it. One thing I love more than Manchester is actually getting on the bastard plane! One does not wish anything other than a happy and smooth transition through an airport. I have had the blessing of travelling multiple times and on every occasion we have made it through an aerodrome. Staff have always done their upmost to ensure we board successfully if we were running late.

I was in correspondence with Birmingham Airport, recently. We were discussing their airport announcements. Like Manchester, they have a contract with the company Aviavox. They do airport announcements. Most of the world's airport's contract the organisation. We were talking about the times where if passengers were running late, manifests were checked and then individual names read out to give them enough chance to get to the gate. This was in use before and alongside the automated announcements, heard today.

It is a dispatch handler's duty to ensure not only aircraft leave onetime, but to give all passengers enough chance to actually make it to their flight. One must not jump to conclusions. Say if, a passenger was lost or had special needs or came into medical trouble while transiting. Staff should do all they can to make sure everyone makes it to the gate, as oppose to aircraft leaving bang on time. Aircraft can make time up in the air. What's ten minutes here and fifteen minutes there, if it means everyone boards, successfully?!

I am looking forward to joining friends at a pool party in the Canary Islands this weekend. You may remember, I used to present weekend breakfast for the Hits Music Network, which went out to Lanzarote and Fuerteventura, as well as across the UK. It's mad to think that in bars, taxis and malls, our show was going out there of a Saturday and Sunday morning. The forecast promises blue skies and highs of 23C. I am very much looking forward to it. I now must head downstairs to take those light blue swimming shorts out of the washing machine.